4 Girl Mindsets
4 Girl Mindsets …
Girl Grit is the courage to create equality for all girls and women,
including girls and women who create inequality for you.
Girl Goodwill is the determination to approach all encounters involving other girls and women
with sincere approval and support for their positive words and actions.
Girl Gumption is the wisdom to admit that men deny equality
to women who see men as inferior.
Girl Gems are positive words supporting other girls and women
by putting shine on their skills and accomplishments.
… For Ending 4 Cultural Themes
Of Betrayal Between Women
Women as Mothers
Women and Their Appearance
Women as Deviants
Teenage Girls as Threats to Society
Resource Page For Paula M. Kramer’s Speech
4 Girl Mindsets for Ending
4 Cultural Themes of Betrayal
Paris, France
March 9, 2022
Quotes From Paula’s Speech
“Men can hear what we say about other women.
The words we put into men’s ears
can come out of their mouths about us
and determine how they treat us.”
“Men block women with betrayal mindsets.”
“Men support women with equality mindsets.”
“If all girl schools are so good at putting women into leadership positions,
why is the number of CEOs who are women still under 10% in the United States?”
Transcript of Speech
Bernadette Boas
“Today, large and small businesses engage me to help them find a solution to breaking the glass ceiling for the women in their organization. On one particular call, a man who headed up a large medical practice explained to me how the two women on his Board of Directors, both eligible to replace the CEO, were going to be overlooked, because, he stated, “They’re bitches.” The women were qualified and deserving of the position, but no one would vote them in because of their attitudes. I knew exactly what he was dealing with.”
Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting Your Bitches to Riches in Life and Business
2011, Page 216
Andrea Johnson
“You are the answer. You are the future. Because I’m talking to women here, right? I mean what’s interesting is that the most people that share my podcast are men, bit it is 100% geared toward and presented to women. It’s all about women’s leadership. But one of the things I say in there is you are role models for the future generations.”
“Being an Intentional Optimist: Unconventional Leader | Andrea Johnson”
Life & Leadership: A Conscious Journey
Michelle St Jane
December 22, 2021
Percentage Of Women CEOs
“8.2% of Fortune 500 CEOs are Women, According to the 2021 Women CEOs in America Report”
Women Business Collaborative
PR Newswire
October 14, 2021
Christine Fruechte
Christine Fruechte is the role model for the future generations that Andrea Johnson talked about.
“A generous spirit is one of the most important attributes of an effective leader. You have to share your time, talents and insight to mentor future leaders, and to build successful teams and organizations. At an all-female school I gave my time and talents without any gender concerns. I learned how to support other women and was encouraged to give my time and become a leader. These lessons stayed with me in my professional career, as well as in my nonprofit and board work.”
“Launching Leaders: The Power of All-Girls Schools”
Christine Fruechte, Contributor
Huffington Post
The Shine Theory
“Amplify other women. I love the Shine Theory, which is the idea that when you help another woman rise, we all shine. “Build other women up! If you see your co-worker doing a great job, give them credit…tell your boss or other co-workers,” says Rebecca Wiser, cofounder and director of communications at Womaze, an app centered around self-empowerment for women. “At first it may seem like you’re taking attention away from yourself, but you’re actually showing that you’re a supportive team player as well as an inspiring leader—and secure enough in yourself to praise others.”
“Power Of The Pack: Women Who Support Women Are More Successful”
Shelley Zalis
Forbes
March 6, 2019
3.5% Changing The World
“The 3.5% rule’: How a small minority can change the world”
David Robson
BBC Future
May 13, 2019
Support Other Women With Words Of Equality
Learn how to speak equality from women who get it.
Women Speaking Equality on Facebook
Stephanie Shirley’s post (#StephanieShirley) gives details about the words men probably wish they will never hear again.
Why would men want to share leadership with women who speak words they don’t want to hear?
Other Perspectives
“What’s Really Holding Women Back?”
Robin J. Ely and Irene Padavic
Harvard Business Review
March-April 2020
Other Mindsets
If you are standing with other women in a circle and there is a woman standing alone in your
circle’s vicinity, the thing to do is: Notice her, smile at her, move over a bit, and say,
“Hi, come join us!”
Even if she decides not to join your circle — even if she looks at you like you’re crazy —
inviting her is still the thing to do.
I mean this both with our literal circles (when we are beyond quarantine),
and our figurative circles.
Let’s widen our circles. Let’s stand — and Live — in horseshoes.
Love,
G
“Horseshoes are better than circles.”
Glennon Doyle
Facebook
April 27, 2020
Horseshoes are better than circles.
Leave space.
Always leave space.
Horseshoes of friends > Circles of friends.
Life can be lonely. Stand in horseshoes.
Comment to Glennon Doyle’s post
Nikki Goode
December 19, 2021
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Horseshoes Create Community
“Why Community Matters”
Andrea Johnson
The Intentional Optimist Blog
March 28, 2022
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Community Supports Bravery
“Teach girls bravery, not perfection”
Reshma Saujani
TED2016
February 2016
The Opposite Of Bitch
The Myth of the Nice Girl: Achieving a Career You Love Without Becoming a Person You Hate
Fran Hauser
2018
A Nice Girl In Action
Nice girls see the possibility for opportunity in every encounter. TV producer Roger Price described working for Geraldine Laybourne as “the best experience I ever had.”
At an NBA playoff game, Nickleodeon CEO Geraldine Laybourne found herself seated next to Michael Ovitz, president of Walt Disney. She knew who he was but had not met him. Ovitz was at the game with his son Eric. Laybourne had a conversation with Eric. Six months later, Ovitz called Laybourne and asked her to be president of Disney/ABC Cable Networks. Laybourne accepted and became an even more powerful woman in broadcasting. Ovitz called Laybourne because of the conversation she had with Eric.
Dig Your Well Before You’re Thirsty: The Only Networking Book You’ll Ever Need
Harvey Mackay
1990, pages 142-144
“Profile/Geraldine Laybourne; Tuned In to Kids, She Takes Nickelodeon to the Top”
Kathleen Murray
The New York Times
March 14, 1993
The bitches in Bernadette Boas’ quote lost a position they wanted and worked to get. Laybourne got a position she didn’t know she could have through her niceness to Eric.
Paula’s All Girl Catholic High School
I quote my high school’s website in my speech. None of the quotes are here because my high school changes their website rather often.
One quote still on the website on May 20, 2023 is about all girl school graduates achieving more leadership positions than coed school graduates. On March 4, 2023, my high school’s announcements section had 20 postings. Only 2 postings announced a leadership position for alumnae. One alumna graduated a few decades ago. The other alumna graduated several decades ago.
According to an online search, my high school now has approximately 250 to 280 students every year. They probably graduate more than 60 students every year. If my all girl high school is so good at teaching girls to be leaders, why do they have only two postings announcing alumnae becoming leaders, alumnae who graduated decades ago? No graduates from the last decade have achieved leadership positions? No graduates from the last 2 decades have achieved leadership positions? Graduates from my high school have to wait 30 years to achieve a leadership position?
See the Alumnae in the News link from Wellesley, a women’s college. This is the kind of list my high school would be able to produce if it truly did put alumnae in leadership positions.
Of course, my high school does not know the leadership positions of any alumna who did what my older sister did and disappeared from the alumnae list. I assume none of them would give credit to our high school for their success. Our high school moved us backward with lies and betrayals, not forward with reality and support. I achieved my successes in spite of my all girl high school.
If my high school were to claim me as an alumna now, it would have to admit to being an all girl school that teaches students to be the kind of women men block. They could have boasted about me as an alumna, if only they had treated every student with dignity and equality.
“How All Girl Schools Fail Their Students & Alumnae”
Paula M. Kramer
Speaking From Triumph Blog
April 30, 2021
2023 Update #1
In October 2022, I suddenly received an email newsletter from my high school. My request to join my class group’s page with my new profile was also suddenly approved.
The emails ask for money.
The mental and emotional uniforms are still required.
2023 Update #2
I received an email from my high school saying this:
Show your loyalty to ———– on June 6th and Stand Up for ———–!
Our second annual day of giving is all about participation.
Grab your classmates, call your fellow parents, challenge friends
in the classes around you.
Our day of giving is at the end of the school year when our minds are
on Alumnae Induction, Convocation, Prom, and Graduation.
The ———– experience is about every day here, the pep rally in the gym,
performances in the auditorium, and Gnimocemoh. Give for the memories,
big and small.
Your support helps ———– continue to provide a dynamic, all-girls education
that will teach generations to lead and serve. Through your contribution, we can
focus on helping young women excel by fostering academic excellence, creating
an inclusive, friendly environment, and challenging each student to develop
leadership for life.
There it is in writing. Since my 1969 graduation, loyalty to my high school has meant money. My high school never showed loyalty to me by recognizing my accomplishments. My high school never stood up for me by recognizing the difficulties of my horrific childhood when I wrote about my mother on Facebook. My high school resisted including me in the Facebook group. My high school did not create a friendly alumnae environment for me.
My high school started sending me emails again because they want money from me. My high school memories mean nothing. My high school continues to fail its students and alumnae.
Go back to Wellesley’s Alumnae in the News page. Wellesley’s page lists more than 250 accomplishments / newsworthy items going back to 2016.
My high school claims it has empowered 10,000 women who are making a positive impact around the world. It’s news announcements are mostly about the school, not about alumnae accomplishments. Total announcements are under 50. Wellesley can prove what it’s alumnae are doing. Parents are supposed to believe what my high school says about those 10,000 alumnae just because they say it?
At least hundreds of ‘disloyal’ alumnae are making the world a better place, but my high school doesn’t know what we’re doing because it alienated us. I influenced peace for an entire country. Peace With Land Kenya exists because of me. I wonder how other ‘disloyal’ alumnae are making the world a better place to live in.
Expecting loyalty without giving loyalty is a losing proposition. As I reveal in my speech, my high school lost loyalty from 97% of its alumnae. Plus, I’m exposing how it teaches girls to become women men block instead of women men support. I think the hundreds of us alumnae who are improving the world refused to become the kind of women men block. We rejected the values our high school tried to instill in us during our time there.
Opportunity Misses
Refer back to the statistic about women CEOs in the United States and the story of Geraldine Laybourne. Too many all girl schools fail at teaching their students to be nice and to see the possibility for opportunity in every encounter. I try to start opportunity conversations wherever I go. To help people understand how to start opportunity conversations, I post examples on Facebook pages.
I can start conversations with strangers in public, but I cannot start conversations with women who graduated from my high school in different years.
Imagine the decades of opportunities alumnae have lost because our high school did not teach us to network across class years. The school could have created a way for interested alumnae from different years to connect with each other. Imagine all of the collaboration that could have taken place for creating more success and a better world. Imagine all of the doors that stayed closed because alumnae from different years didn’t know they were geographically, professionally, or life experience close.
Imagine the gratitude alumnae would have felt for the connections our high school made possible. Funding our high school would have meant funding opportunities for ourselves. Instead, our high school keeps separating us, creating decades of opportunity misses from lost opportunity conversations.
During the years 1998 to 2007 when I was working on my documentary, Renewing Energies: The Ingredients For Spectacular Success, I came to this realization:
Spectacular success is the unimagined success other people intentionally create for you
because you intentionally create success for them.
Since 2007, I have looked for people whose work fits with my work so I could draw positive attention to them. I draw positive attention by writing or talking about people as examples to connect with or follow. Some people are examples in my online self-study courses. Some people are examples in my blog posts. Some people are examples in my Facebook pages. My courses, blog posts, and Facebook pages get international attention.
If my high school had given alumnae a way to connect across graduation years, I would have looked for alumnae whose work fit with my work. I would have drawn positive attention to them by writing and talking about them as positive examples to connect with or follow. I would have put their names and accomplishments in front of an international audience.
Men Who Support Women
Sal Naseem
LinkedIn post about Luis Rubiales kissing Jenni Hermoso after Spain won the Women’s World Cup.
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Chris Pratt
“He literally told me: ‘You guys don’t even have to do anything. I’m gonna do all the negotiating. We’re gonna be paid the same, and you don’t have to think about this, Bryce,’” Howard said. “And I love him so much for doing that. I really do, because I’ve been paid more for those kinds of things than I ever was for the movie.”
“Bryce Dallas Howard says she was paid less than Chris Pratt for ‘Jurassic World’ films”
Sandra Gonzalez
CNN
August 15, 2022
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Dr. Mark Williams
“Dr. Marc’s Masterclass” Podcast
Posted this quote on LinkedIn for International Women’s Day 2022
Fix another queen’s crown
Without telling the world it was crooked
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Pramod Zinjade
“Pramod Zinjade, an activist from Solhapur in Maharashtra state, has been fighting for decades to spread awareness about welfare programs for rural Maharashtrians. But his friend and colleague’s death due to heart failure in 2020 prompted him to add another social item to his agenda – widows.
Within 15 minutes of lighting his friend’s funeral pyre, Mr. Zinjade heard a commotion where the man’s wife was standing. When he got closer, he saw a group of women breaking her bangles, wiping the sindoor off her forehead, and forcibly removing the mangalsutra – a black beaded necklace that married women wear in Hindu culture – from her neck.”
“No more ‘social death’: In India, villages urge compassion for windows'”
Kanika Gupta
The Christian Science Monitor
August 29, 2022
New Mindsets For Men
Are you a woman in need of a business idea?
Teach the difference between friendliness and sexual interest to the men who haven’t learned those verbal and nonverbal clues.
“The Compliment Too Many Men Miss”
Paula M. Kramer
Speaking From Triumph Blog
November 27, 2015
© Paula M. Kramer, 2012 to the present
All rights reserved.
Updated January 28, 2024.
