Leading For Change Through Choices

If you want to create any kind of successful change, pay attention to the leadership mistakes on both sides of the abortion issue in the United States. I’ve been paying attention to those mistakes for decades.

Since about 1990, I’ve known that Roe v Wade was likely to be overturned. One statement from Eleanor Smeal was all it took. It proved that Smeal is the opposite of a grassroots organizer.

Pro-life leaders are much more effective than pro-choice leaders. You can read the details in several blog posts I wrote comparing the two sides. The titles below are in the approximate order I wrote them.

My eye-opening about the reason for pro-choice leader ineffectiveness came during a graduate school seminar. Our professor told us to find a dissertation that interested us and present it to the class. The dissertation I chose was:

In-House Rhetoric of Pro-Life and Pro-Choice Special Interest Groups in Minnesota: Motivation and Alienation
Dissertation, University of Minnesota, 1982
Marsha Vanderford Doyle, Ph.D.
(Now Marsha Vanderford)

If you want to create a successful movement of any sort, pay attention to the differences between pro-life and pro-choices strategies.

Pro-life leaders give women the freedom to choose public actions, but deny women the freedom to choose private actions.

Pro-choice leaders give women the freedom to choose private actions, but deny women the freedom to choose public actions.

Pro-life leaders encourage supporters to take actions of their choosing every single day.

Pro-choice leader Eleanor Smeal told supporters in a letter that she would let them know which action steps they could take at least 4 times a year.

365 days a year versus 4 times a year.
This is why pro-life leaders and supporters were able to overturn Roe.

You will understand just by reading a few of my blog posts. See the list below.

Since pro-life and pro-choice leaders are on opposite ends of a seesaw, craft a successful movement of any kind by getting off the seesaw. Give anyone who believes in your movement the freedom to choose both public and private actions.

Although the pro-life side seems to be ahead because of the Supreme Court decision, their victory will not last. This issue will go back and forth because both sides deny choice. The vote in Kansas proves that overturning Roe v. Wade did not end abortion rights everywhere.

“Kansas voters defeat abortion amendment in unexpected landslide”
Sherman Smith
Lily O’Shea Becker
Kansas Reflector
August 2, 2022

Other states followed Kansas’s lead during the 2022 midterm election.

“Michigan, Vermont, and California affirm abortion rights, as Kentucky voters shoot down anti-abortion amendment”
Sarah Owermohle
Stat News
November 9, 2022

Even Republican legislatures rejected abortion bans.

“Anti-abortion bills fail in GOP-controlled Nebraska and South Carolina”
Chandellis Duster
April 28, 2023

As you’ll read below, those states can expect fewer suicides, fewer mass shootings, and fewer serial killings.

Note that I criticize feminist leaders, not women who believe in and support feminism. I also respect the pro-choice supporters who are endlessly creative about promoting their beliefs. They are examples of ordinary people being the best and the brightest.

However, pro-choice leaders and pr0-life leaders share a characteristic — they ignore lived experience.

Pro-choice leaders ignore the lived experience of women like me who have been verbally and emotionally abused by women who call themselves feminist. Their focus is the opposite of equality.

Pro-life leaders ignore the torture and deaths of unwanted children like me. Their focus is the opposite of protecting life.


Pro-Life Thoughtlessness

Another reason the pro-life side of the seesaw will go down is the thoughtlessness of the laws. Cruelty is a consequence.

“Kentucky couple ‘furious’ stat abortion laws meant they couldn’t hold their daughter to say goodbye”
Elizabeth Cohen
Carma Hassan
Amanda Musa
July 7, 2023


The Pro-Child Choice

I am pro-child. My mother tried to kill me twice. I know from horrific experience that babies deserve parents who want them. My husband’s childhood was horrific. He aborted his life at age 22 to end the pain. My granddaughter’s friend had a horrific childhood. He aborted his life at age 18 to end the pain.

The pro-life side could reduce abortions by providing everything necessary for private choices to prevent unwanted pregnancies. No pregnancy makes abortion impossible.

Preventing unwanted pregnancies would also save lives by reducing the numbers of mass shooting victims and serial killer victims. Children who endure horrific childhoods are more likely than other children to grow up to become mass shooters and serial killers. See the statistics below.

Adoption has its own horror stories and women who surrender their babies face negative stereotypes. Social service agencies have trouble finding enough foster parents for unwanted children. The number of unwanted children exceeds the available number of parents who could adopt.

Perhaps the two political sides could come together for the sake of babies.

If I’d had choice as a fetus, I would have chosen for my mother to abort me.

I would not have chosen to endure the horrors of my childhood just to be alive.

My kind of childhood creates never ending pain. One aftermath of my childhood is that I have no contact with any family member from either side. To protect herself from what I might someday say about her, my mother stereotyped me negatively. All but one relative chose to ignore what I said and discount what I did, just as my mother taught them to. Surviving emotionally meant walking away.

My father died before I was capable of acknowledging my murder memories. He loved me, but my mother emotionally abused him as well.

My mother’s sister was the only family member to remain in contact with me when I walked away from my mother. Aunt Terry died in 2003. Aunt Terry, of course, knew my mother better than anyone and knew what she was capable of doing.

Babies deserve parents who want them.

“7 Birth Mother Stereotypes That Need to Stop”
April 24, 2018

“Birth Mother Stereotypes”
Lifetime Adoption

“Stereotypes And Misconceptions About Birthmothers”
Nicole Strickland
June 17, 2015


Feminist Leaders Blog Posts

“If Feminist Leaders Want Equality, Why Do They Create Inequality?”

“A Dedicated Network Of Glory Addicts”

“The Arrogance Of Feminist Leaders”

This blog post includes the Eleanor Smeal statement, a need-to-be-in-control statement that erases opportunities for creative actions.

Three paragraphs later is a statement that creates opportunities for creative action, credited to President Teddy Roosevelt. Roosevelt credits the statement to Squire Bill Widener.

When leaders give people the freedom to make their own choices, people are free to make the choices that satisfy their behavior style needs and guiding value passions. Being able to satisfy their own needs and passions gives people multiple reasons to continue doing the work of creating change.

Pro-life leaders gave pro-life supporters the freedom to satisfy their needs and passions, fueling the overturn of Roe v. Wade. Pro-life leaders are still on the seesaw because they deny private choices, however, so they will eventually go down again.

“Maybe You Can Get An Answer…”

“Why Do Feminist Leaders Think You Can’t Remember Where You Are On The Internet?”

“When Will Feminist Leaders Do What They Expect Male Politicians To Do?“

“What Do Feminist Leaders Have In Common With Outlaw Bikers, Hierarchical Leaders, Donald Rumsfeld, & The Old Guard Of The Catholic Church?”

“Feminist Leaders, Unsophisticated Women, & The Least Effective Way To Communicate With Politicians”

“NOW President Terry O’Neill Is “…sure you’re heard by now…”

“Feminist Leader Ineffectiveness: Proof In Numbers”

“Memo To Feminist Leaders: Actions Speak Louder Than Words”

“Pro-Life Strategies Leave Pro-Choice Strategies In The Dust”

“Victims On The Left, Victims On The Right”

“Should You Believe The National Organization For Women (NOW)? NOW Chapters”

“Feminist Leader Trashes Other Feminist Leaders”


Better Planet Business Blog Post

“Who Deserves Your Better Planet Money?”



U.S. Adoption

“Around 140,000 children are adopted by American families each year.”

U.S. Foster Care

“On any given day, there are nearly 424,000 children in foster care in the United States.”

U.S. Abused & Neglected Children

“Children are suffering from a hidden epidemic of child abuse and neglect. It’s a widespread war against our children that we have the power to stop, and understanding the issue is the first step. Just how bad is the issue of child abuse in the United States?

Every year, more than 4 million referrals are made to child protection agencies involving more than 4.3 million children (a referral can include multiple children).

The United States has one of the worst records among industrialized nations – losing on average 5 children every day to child abuse and neglect.

In 2019 alone, state agencies found over 656,000 victims of child maltreatment, but that only tells part of the story.

This would pack 10 modern football stadiums.”

U.S. Mass Shooters Statistics

“The vast majority of shooters experienced early childhood trauma and exposure to violence at a young age. The nature of their exposure included parental suicide, physical or sexual abuse, neglect, domestic violence, and/or severe bullying. The trauma was often a precursor to mental health concerns, including depression, anxiety, thought disorders or suicidality.”

“Man who said he was ‘almost a school shooter’ reveals what stopped him.”
CNN Newsroom

Aaron Stark’s first intended targets were the parents who made his childhood horrific.

Serial Killer Statistics

“Abuse of all types excluding neglect was significantly higher in the serial killer population. For serial killers, the prevalence of physical abuse was 36%; sexual abuse was 26%; and psychological abuse was 50%. Neglect was equally prevalent in the serial killer (18%) and societal norm populations.”

“The Incidence of Child Abuse in Serial Killers“
Heather Mitchell and Michael G. Aamodt, Radford University
Journal of Police and Criminal Psychology
2005, Volume 20, Number 1


Baby & Child Deaths From Poverty

“An estimated 6.2 million children under the age of 15 years die every year. Mostly from preventable causes”
The World Counts

“Effects of poverty

Every hour of every day more than 700 children die. The causes of death vary, but the vast majority can be traced down to one single cause: poverty.

The leading causes of death for children under five include preventable or treatable diseases such as pneumonia, diarrhoea, and malaria.”


February 7, 1915 (Yes, this is the correct date.)
The New York Times

“That poverty is the great underlying reason why approximately 300,000 babies die every year in the United States is the general conclusion which stands out most clearly from the first in a series of infant mortality studies just completed by the Children’s Bureau of the Department of Labor, of which Miss Julia C. Lathrop is the head.”



“Poverty kills children”
Jorge E. Hardoy
World Health
July, 1986

Millions of children will continue to die unless governments and international agencies learn to start working
directly with communities , both rural and urban , to improve their environments. After all, the true builders of Third World cities are not the governments but the people themselves.”



Consequences Of Restricting Birth Control & Abortion

Sandra Newman
November 27, 2017

“There are reasons to believe that infanticide could make a larger comeback. Recent years have seen increasing efforts, particularly in the United States, to make abortion illegal while restricting access to birth control. Religious groups are pushing this agenda worldwide, with success in Africa, where birth control has been stigmatised as a form of genocide. The backers of these policies believe them to be pro-baby; as the group Human Life International puts it, they’re protecting ‘the traditionally life-loving African culture’. The real results, however can be seen in a country such as Senegal, where access to birth control is limited, and all forms of abortion are illegal – and where almost one in five incarcerated women are in prison for infanticide.”


© Paula M. Kramer, 2022
All rights reserved.
Updated July 7, 2023.